Child grief can really change the way school is viewed and it can be tough for grieving children to return to school. Grieving children have a lot of things on their minds. Simple things like playing on the playground with school mates may be a challenge for a hurting child. Learning and concentrating on school work can be a very big expectation on a child who is grieving.
Lack of Grief Support
The truth of the matter is that most children, and even some teachers, don’t know what to say to a child who has experienced a death in their family. Many times grieving children will have their feelings hurt because something insensitive or thoughtless is said to them, unbeknownst to the speaker. On the other end of the spectrum, some grieving children may feel isolated because their peers avoid talking to them for fear of saying something that would hurt the bereaved child.
School Tips for Grieving Children
While each child is an individual, here is a list of things that can be done to help a grieving child transition back into school after a death in the family:
- Talk to the child’s teacher and arrange a private time for the teacher and child to meet together before the child returns to school.
- Let the child tell the teacher in his own words about the death in the family.
- Let the child share with the teacher what information the teacher is allowed to give to the class about the death. Many times having the teacher share the information with the class takes the secrecy and taboo feeling out of the air and it enables a grieving child to relax. The child should be given the option of being present when the teacher discusses the death in the child’s family, or he can have the information shared when he is absent.
- There should be an arrangement made between the child and the teacher that if the child starts to feel overwhelmed or upset, he has permission to leave the room and go to a designated safe place.
- Tell a child that is mourning the loss of a family member that he doesn’t have to feel obligated to answer any/all of the questions that may be asked of them about the death. Give the child permission to tell his friends and teachers that he simply doesn’t want to talk about it.
With a little help and encouragement, a grieving child’s discomfort over returning to school can be eased a bit. Above all, remember that a child who has experienced a major death in his family will no doubt have a difficult time concentrating on homework and he may easily become frustrated if expectations are too high. The best thing that can be done for a grieving child, whether the child is your own child or a student, is to let the child know that what he is feeling is normal.
For more information see: Talking to Children About Death and Children and Death: Conversations by Age
