Giving Sibling Presents when a New Baby is Born
Whether Big Brothers and Big Sisters Should Receive Gifts, Too
Dec 31, 2008
When new baby gifts start pouring in from friends and relatives, many parents question whether older siblings should receive small gifts on the occasion of a new baby's birth, too. On the one hand, they don't want children, especially toddlers, to start the baby's life resenting their new sibling and being jealous of all the things that he or she is receiving. On the other hand, parents may not want to set a precedent of children receiving presents on other people's special days, and the overall focus on material goods can encourage greediness and equating love with physical presents, as well as encouraging sibling rivalry by spurring children to compare what they have with what the new sibling has.
The Argument for Giving Siblings Toys and Gifts Upon the Arrival of a New Baby
Some experts recommend having siblings receive small gifts "from the new baby" or asking people bringing presents for the baby to also bring something small for the big brothers or big sisters. Doctors T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua D. Sparrow advise in Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way [Da Capo Press, 2006] that parents might want to provide older siblings with a new toy at the moment when the new baby comes home.
Brazelton and Sparrow recommend in particular that parents give children a doll to care for the way that the parents are taking care of the new baby. They note that if a child is interested in toys other than dolls, parents can give that kind of toy and then focus on encouraging the child to nurture it. For example, a child can fill a truck with gas and wash it the same way that the parents are feeding and bathing the new baby.
The Argument Against Giving Siblings Toys and Gifts Upon the Arrival of a New Baby
Some experts, however, recommend against providing older siblings with gifts and toys when a new baby joins the family. Linda Sonna, Ph.D, points out in The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising Siblings [adams media, 2006] that a physical present is not a real or even a good replacement for the love and parental notice that the sibling actually wants and needs. She suggests that instead of giving the child material things, the parents should instead think of ways to involve the child in the gifting process. For example, the child can:
- unwrap presents for the baby.
- explain to the baby how a present should be used.
- model how to use the present.
Older children could even be entrusted with the task of keeping a list recording the givers of each gift or with helping parents write and send thank-you notes.
Parents Must Choose What Precedent to Set
Siblings will eventually have to cope with watching brothers and sisters receive presents when they do not. It is up to mothers and fathers to decide at what age a child is mature enough to begin dealing with feelings of jealousy and to be able to join in gift-giving and general preparations for welcoming the new baby into the family in positive ways by making a special present to welcome the new baby, helping to decorate the new baby's nursery, or sharing their outgrown furniture with the new baby.
