Help Children Bond by Sharing Outgrown Furniture
How to Create Siblings Without Rivalry from the Start
Dec 30, 2008
When faced with the arrival of a new baby, older children can feel displaced or threatened. To create siblings without rivalry and encourage a habit of sharing with each other from the start, caring parents can guide older siblings through the process of turning their old furniture over to the new baby.
How to Help Children Start Sharing Their Things with a New Sibling
Some children may find it difficult to see even old, outgrown possessions passed on to the baby. To ease this process, parents can:
- Inform the child before taking anything for the new baby.
- Confirm that the child is absolutely done with the item and will not be adversely affected by losing it.
- Involve the child in preparing the item for use by the new baby.
Talk to Children to Prepare Them to Pass on Items
When faced with a period of transition, children need to be told what is going on. Parents should describe life with a baby to help children visualize the ways that their lives will change once the baby has arrived. One way to do this is to discuss items the baby will need to use, such as a baby highchair, a baby car seat, and a new baby crib.
Confirm that Children Are Ready to Pass on an Item
Of these items, a child is most likely to have a deep emotional attachment to the crib. In fact, if the child is young enough to still be using the crib, Doctors T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua D. Sparrow recommend in Understanding Sibling Rivalry [DaCapo Press, 2006] that parents do not push the child to relinquish the old crib just yet. Doing so may cause the child to regress and develop trouble with bedwetting or sleeping well at night. Instead, they advise, parents should invest in a new baby crib for the second child and allow the first child to outgrow the original crib when he or she is ready. In this case, parents should look for another item for the older child to pass on to the new baby.
Involve Children in Preparing the Item for the New Baby
Once parents have identified an item that can safely be passed on, engage the older child in preparing the item for use by the new baby. This will get the child in the habit of doing things for his or her new sibling before the sibling has even arrived. The child will feel proud of his or her accomplishment and start adjusting to his or her new role as the older kid who knows how to do grown-up things and be trusted with more mature responsibilities.
- Have the child help scrub and disinfect the plastic parts of a baby car seat and wash the fabric liner.
- Involve the child in dusting and cleaning the frame of a crib, laundering the bedding, or reassembling the crib if it has been packed and stored away. Children may also enjoy assisting a parent in selecting and purchasing new baby bedding.
- Ask the child to help cleaning and perhaps even repainting or redecorating a baby highchair or regular baby chair or baby rocking chair.
Helpful Books to Encourage Early Sharing Between Siblings
Another way to prepare children to pass furniture along to a new baby is to read picture books about siblings who share their furniture. The following books can lead to good discussions about sharing and growing up.
- In Peter's Chair by Ezra Jack Keats [Viking Juvenile, 1998], Peter faces the fact that he no longer fits into his beloved chair and ends up helping his father paint it pink for his new baby sister.
- In The Berenstain Bears' New Baby by Stan and Jan Berenstain [Random House, 1974], Small Bear outgrows his small bed just in time to pass it along to his newborn sister. Children will be interested especially in how Papa Bear crafts a new, bigger bed for Small Bear.
Once older siblings grow accustomed to sharing their old furniture with a new baby, it will be easier for the siblings to share physical items such as toys and less concrete things like their parents' attention. Helping to prepare and decorate a baby's nursery also gets children involved early on in the baby's care and helps them transition naturally into assisting parents with other simple ways of taking care of the baby's needs. By setting good precedents early on, parents can pave the way for stronger sibling relationships down the line.
Parenting wanting to create strong sibling bonds from the start may also want to consider the question of whether to give a sibling a present when a new baby is born and whether the older brother or sister might want to make a present to welcome the baby into the family.
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