Helping Lonely Children Make Friends

How Parents can Help Unpopular Kids Develop Social Skills

May 7, 2009 Wei Yin Wong

Parents of lonely, unsociable and unpopular children can help them make friends by using opposite pairing, younger pairing, clique activities and small groups.

Like adults, children have different levels of social skills. Some are hugely popular with everyone and make friends easily. Unfortunately, there are also many shy, unpopular and lonely children who can’t seem to fit in anywhere. They are isolated while desperately craving for friendships.

And since isolation in early childhood can have damaging long-term effects such as emotional disturbances, truancy, vandalism and crime in adolescence and adulthood, it’s worthwhile to help unpopular kids develop social skills.

Dr. Miriam Stoppard, parenting specialist and author of Complete Baby and Childcare [Dorling Kindersley, 2006], outlines some useful strategies for parents to encourage lonely children to make friends.

Opposite Pairing

This approach involves pairing a lonely, unsociable or neglected child with an outgoing and sociable child. Teachers in nurseries, preschools and kindergartens have used this strategy with success. Parents can also do this in playgroups or whenever their kids are put together in social settings such as birthday parties and outings.

“By being seen as the friend of a popular child, the neglected child will gain a significantly higher level of social acceptance in a short time,” writes Stoppard.

Younger Pairing

While an unpopular child may not get on well with her peers, she may be able to have better relationships with younger children. Younger children often look up to older children. So pairing a lonely older child with a younger companion will often give the loner more positive social interactions, boosting her self-esteem and eventually popularity.

Clique Activities for Unsociable Kids

Although parents should generally discourage children from forming cliques, letting shy, lonely or unpopular kids to mingle in their preferred little group can help them form better relationships with kids outside their clique. Stoppard explains this is because clique-based activities allow children to feel more secure and confident about all social relationships.

Small Groups for Unpopular Kids

Some people think that unsociable children will become more sociable in the presence of many other children. Stoppard disagrees. She believes that small groups have a higher chance of helping unpopular kids make friends. In a big group, a loner can easily disappear into the background. However, in a small group she will be noticed by everyone.

In a playgroup, parents can put a shy child in a small group first. Then slowly enlarge the group as the child grows more confident and sociable.

Unpopular children will need a lot of encouragement and efforts from their parents to help them make friends. In playgroups or social settings, parents can try opposite pairing, younger pairing, clique activities and small groups for unsociable and lonely children. These approaches allow more positive experiences for the loner, which in turn will help build confidence and assertiveness, qualities essential in developing better social skills.

Found this article useful? Read also How Children can Make Friends, When Children Meet Someone New and Overcoming Shyness in Children.

The copyright of the article Helping Lonely Children Make Friends in Inter-Child Relationships is owned by Wei Yin Wong. Permission to republish Helping Lonely Children Make Friends in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Help Lonely Children Make Friends