A child’s ability to make friends and his choice of friends are every parent’s concern. Here are some strategies that parents can use to help children make friends and to cope with issues on a child’s choice of friends.
Identify Cause of Difficulty in Making Friends
Kids have difficulty in making friends for a number of reasons – bossiness, competitiveness, unwillingness to share, inexperience playing with other kids, low self-confidence and lack of hobbies. If parents can identify the cause of their child’s difficulty in making friends, they can help resolve the problem. Try the following tips.
- Bossiness, competitiveness and unwillingness to share. Teach the child to share by reading stories about sharing and making sharing a part of the family’s daily lives – during meals, watching the same TV programs, sharing books and toys among siblings, etc.
- Inexperience playing with other kids. Provide opportunities for the child to make friends. Encourage the child to play sports or join a children’s club. Invite other children over to the house to play.
- Low self-confidence. Boost the child’s self-confidence by pairing him with an outgoing child or putting him in a smaller group of kids with similar predispositions.
- Lack of hobbies. Encourage the child to pursue his own hobbies to make him more appealing and approachable to others. Again, sports and kids’ activities will be very helpful.
Dealing with Children’s Choice of Friends
Some children have no problems making friends, but their choice of friends may be a cause for concern to their parents. Some parents may be tempted to prevent friendships they deem unhealthy for their children. However, Michael Grose, parenting expert and author of One Step Ahead: Raising 3 to 12-year-olds [Random House Australia, 2000], cautions against that.
He explains that “banned” friends are like the forbidden fruits and may appear all the more appealing. Also, it’s also virtually impossible for parents to screen all the people that their child chooses to spend time with. After all, parents can’t supervise their children all day long.
“Rather than interfering, it is more effective to discuss your concerns with your child,” Grose says, adding that parents should find out why the child chooses a certain friend and trust that the child will behave appropriately. For example, a child may befriend someone with a police record not because of the petty crimes he’d committed but because he was good at playing the guitar, a passion the child shares. When a child knows that his parents trust him with his choice of friends, he is less likely to let his parents down.
Another useful approach for concerned parents is to make an effort to know a child’s friends. Ask the child to invite friends home so that parents can see for themselves the type of friends their child has. Often, appearances aren’t always what they seem. Some rough kids may have inner good qualities that are only visible when one has the opportunity to meet and get to know them.
Forming friendships is crucial to a child’s growth. If a child has difficulty making friends, his parents should identify the cause of the problem first before trying to resolve it. If parents worry about a child’s choice of friends, they should find out the reasons of the friendship instead of forbidding the friendship altogether as well as try to meet the friends before passing judgment.
Found this article useful? Read also Helping Lonely Children Make Friends and When Children Meet Someone New.
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