How to Plan for a Holiday Visit with Cousins
Things Parents Can Do to Help Child Cousins Get Along
Nov 18, 2008
The holidays are a stressful time for many families. Parents are busy arranging travel plans, decorating homes, and organizing family get-togethers, while children are often uprooted from their familiar routines and thrown off-schedule. Add to this the pressure for children to get along with cousins they might see only rarely, and what should be a fun gathering of relatives instead becomes a recipe for disaster!
How can caring parents help cousins get along? The key to establishing good relationships between child cousins is great communication between the parents. Mothers and fathers need to be on the same page with their siblings and sibling-in-laws so that all the adults can work together to create a peaceful environment that nurtures the creation of strong bonds between cousins.
Model Good Behavior and Maintain a Positive Relationship with Siblings
Children copy the way their parents act. If grownup siblings and sibling-in-laws are fighting, then children may mimic this behavior in fights of their own. Adults should set a good example for how to treat and respect other family members, establishing agreed-upon limits even on teasing and playful bickering.
If siblings, sisters-in-law, and brothers-in-law are at odds over a serious issue, model good conflict resolution skills for child cousins. Acknowledge that people, even family members, can disagree sometimes, and demonstrate for children how mature adults resolve conflicts peacefully.
Coordinate Schedules and Routines
Every family has its own ways of doing things. When planning family activities, considerate adults take into account:
- whether children are early or late risers.
- whether any children still take naps, and if so, at what times.
- whether any children expect a mid-morning or afternoon snack.
- what time children are expected to go to bed while on vacation.
Each set of parents should be clear with the other adults about which parts of their children’s schedules must be followed to keep children well-rested and in good spirits, and which can be relaxed a little while on holiday.
Respect Each Family’s Beliefs and Rules
Every family has beliefs that influence the things children are allowed to do, and different branches of an extended family may hold different beliefs. For example, parents might disagree on:
- what snack foods children can eat.
- whether children can watch television or not, and if so, which shows.
- whether children can play with plastic toys or only all-natural eco-friendly ones.
- whether children can play with war toys like guns or only peaceful Waldorf or Montessori toys.
- how and when children should be disciplined.
Again, parents must be clear with one another about which issues are non-negotiable and which rules can be relaxed for the sake of family harmony. Follow three simple rules:
- The family that allows a forbidden treat should not flaunt the treat or offer it to other children behind the backs of the parents of the children.
- The family that forbids the treat should not expect other family members to refrain from enjoying the treat in front of them.
- Children who cannot have the same things as their cousins should have this fact explained to them ahead of time so that they are prepared for the situation when it arises.
Plan, But Do Not Plan Too Much!
Parents interested in making fun holiday memories for cousins may cram full every moment a family is together with activities and photo opportunities. Cousins will benefit most, however, from free time just to hang out together and enjoy open-ended unstructured play. Do coordinate with other parents and schedule a few holiday events, but make sure to give cousins plenty of space and time to learn about each other in a non-pressured environment.
If child cousins are provided with positive models of good behavior, well-fed and well-rested, not eaten up with jealousy about things other cousins get to do that they cannot, and not run off of their feet being rushed from special event to special event, they will be much more likely to relax and spend fun time playing and getting to know one another. A little pre-planning and communication with other parents can go a long way toward forging childhood friendships between cousins that will last a lifetime.
Check out How to Help Cousins Get Along at Family Events, Activities to Keep Cousins Busy at Family Events, and How to Help Child Cousins Stay in Touch for more ideas on how to help cousins become good friends.
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