From the moment their twins Michael and Lauren were born, Sokie and Steve Goulet knew they were in for an adventure in parenting. "Michael and Lauren are as different as night and day," said Sokie Goulet, of Houston, Texas in a phone interview October 17th.
"They were born with their own personalities and likes, dislikes. He is shy and more of an introvert, like me," she said, "while she is friendly and an extrovert, like her dad."
The Twins Share a Close Bond
As different as they are, however, Michael and Lauren, now 12, miss each other when they're separated, and continually ask when the other will be home so that they can be together again. This tendency, Sokie said, was apparent even when they were newborns, still in the hospital.
"Michael was ready to come home a few days before she was, but they kept him to comfort her while she stayed in the hospital," she said. "They would actually put him in her bed when she was upset after pricking her for a blood test, and she would immediately calm down." This was an amazing thing to watch, she said, and because of this immediate and close bond between the twins, the parents opted to have them sleep together in the same crib for the first few months at home.
Support Group Helped Parents Overcome Challenges
"The biggest challenge right after they were born was just not being prepared to have two babies at one time!" Sokie said. "As a new parent, I was pretty stressed out with two babies and a full-time job. I used to call my friends and ask for advice...for example, feeding both at one time. They would always tell me they didn't know how to handle this because they only knew how it was to have one at a time," she said.
Sokie and Steve said they were delighted to find a "Parent of Multiples" support group to help them over the many hurdles that presented themselves – two messy diapers at once, two hungry babies at once, one crying and waking the other, never enough hands, sleep or couple time. "It was amazing," she said. "I loved meeting with other parents – mainly Moms – who I could relate with and I learned a lot from them. I even went to a state conference!"
"We had wonderful talks and met for events with other parents and their multiples. No questions were unheard of by the support group," Sokie added.
Entering School – Separate or Apart?
When Lauren and Michael entered kindergarten, school officials insisted that the twins be separated. "That concerned me because I wasn't sure how they were going to react to the separation," Sokie said.
"The school personnel assured me that they would see each other at lunch and at recess and it would be good for them to spend so much time away from each other; in a way, I agreed," she said. "After the first day, I asked them if they missed each other. They told me they saw each other and ran towards each other at recess. I was teary-eyed, of course!"
Another Challenge: Not Comparing the Twins
Having such different personalities and abilities in their children made it difficult for Sokie and Steve not to compare Lauren and Michael. "As they have grown, my biggest challenge is to view them as separate human beings with differences, and not compare them." she said.
Lauren and Michael are described by Sokie as "mature dependents" – multiples who are happy in situations where they are together or apart, who support each other and have been successful in creating their own identity, according to multiples researchers Pat Preedy and David Hay. These siblings have shared friends and exclusive friends, as well as shared and separate interests.
The Scholar & The Athlete
Like other siblings, Michael and Lauren have unique personalities that "define what they love and how they learn," she said. For example, school comes easily for Michael, who she describes as a computer whiz kid. "He has his own lap top, and we encourage him to experiment with different computer operating systems, scripting and database manipulations."
"He's also my walking encyclopedia; if he doesn't know the answer to something, he will research it and find answers for us. And I can't buy him books to read fast enough," Sokie said.
On the other hand, Lauren had learning disability, so she struggled for a few years in school. She would rather do other things, like play games, ride a bike, or be the social butterfly. "She is my sweet personality girl; I can always count on her love and conversation. She makes friends easily and Michael depends on her to break the ice when we go to new places. She loves the outdoors and is a beautiful swimmer...and she competed in a kids' triathalon without knowing anyone there," she said.
Just Enjoy & Appreciate
The lesson to be learned from Sokie and Steve's experiences? As she reflected on her twins' first 12 years, Sokie stressed the need to stay in the moment, focus on and enjoy the children's individuality and uniqueness, and reach out to other parents of multiples to share frustrations, ideas, and gain support.
"I just have had to step back many times and see the wonderful qualities that are in both of them and that make them unique," Sokie said. "I don't know if this is just a multiples challenge, or an overall parenting challenge."
 |
