Parent Quality Time Helps Siblings' Relationships
Spending Special Time Reduces Jealousy among Children
Sibling relationships are full of ups and downs. No matter how hard parents try to treat children equally, many children have jealous feelings about a brother or sister. Quality time with parents is something that all kids want. In addition to building the bond between parent and child, spending special time also can improve the relationship between siblings and reduce sibling rivalry.
How Quality Time with a Parent Reduces Jealously for Children
Most children in multi-child homes wonder if parents love one child more than another. When children wonder about being loved less, they often feel jealous and act out in hurtful ways involving parents and siblings, resulting in intense sibling rivalry. “A major reason kids fight is to get you involved. Kids want you to take their side by blaming and punishing the other child,” write Nelsen, Lott and Glenn in Positive Discipline A – Z [Three Rivers Press, 1999].
Some sibling rivalry is normal, but extreme jealousy among children can be a major stressor for parents and kids. Spending special time with children is one way for parents to show that they love all of their children enough to spend quality time with each one. As well, spending quality time together strengthens the bond between parent and child and sends a strong message of love. The “Sibling Rivalry” section of Positive Discipline A-Z recommends for parents to spend special one on one time on a regular basis.
When parents confirm love through regular parent quality time, a child’s jealous feelings can be greatly reduced. When doubt of love and hurt are removed children can begin to build a sibling relationship on having fun together.
Arranging Family Schedules for Child-Parent Quality Time
Many parents want to spend quality time with children, but have difficulty fitting special time into their family’s busy schedule. Children’s individual activities, video time and regular household maintenance seem to get the way of parent quality time with kids.
Some families decide to limit the number of individual child activities to one or two per week allowing more time for parents and children to spend special time together on a weekly basis. Other families have found ways to plan special time with one child while another child is attending an individual activity. Still other families designate one night a week as parent-child night and plan sandwiches for dinner in order for parents to spend quality time with children.
Even with the best of intentions, most parents find that spending special time with children does not happen unless parents mark a specific time on the family calendar. It helps if families establish a weekly routine that includes parent quality time for all children in the household. A child can then count on and look forward to one on one time quality time with a parent, which reduces feelings of jealousy for children.
Ideas for Spending Special Time with Each Child
Many parents mistakenly think that special time has to be about entertaining children and spending money on children. Providing entertainment won’t help improve sibling relationship issues. It’s the parent-child bonding that counts towards reducing jealous feelings.
There are many low cost ways to spend quality time with children. Kids enjoy doing a variety of simple activities such as playing ball, playing cards, playing a board game, bike riding, cooking or taking a walk together. Activities that involve eye contact and interaction offer better chances for parent-child bonding and reducing jealousy among children than activities focused around a media screen.
Parents and children can decide together how to spend quality time or parent and child can take turns choosing how to spend special time together. Families can also decide on a modest monthly budget for child-parent quality time, so that special time provides opportunities for teaching money management skills as well as for bonding.
Spending special time won’t eliminate all conflict in sibling relationships. All healthy relationships involve conflict. But spending quality time with parents can reduce conflicts caused by a child’s jealous feelings and decrease sibling rivalry issues.
Sibling Rivalry
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