Stop Sibling Jealousy with a Family Gift

Encourage Sibling Sharing and Build Strong Sibling Relationships

Jan 31, 2009

Instead of wasting money and overindulging kids by giving them many small presents, give children a big family gift to encourage sharing and good sibling relationships.

At Christmas and other holiday gift-giving times, many families follow the custom of giving each child many individual presents. Parents in such families must plan gift-giving carefully to stop sibling jealousy, and may find themselves spending more money than they had intended in an attempt to even up the number of gifts each child is to receive. They may also find themselves with overstocked playrooms stuffed to the brim with small toys that children grew tired of quickly and discarded.

In tight economic times, budget-conscious parents want to make every toy dollar count. Furthermore, it can be dangerous to overindulge children by giving them too much. Overindulged children do not appreciate the toys they have because they have so many, and they may struggle with the idea of sharing toys with others since they have always had their own copy of any toy and have not ever been forced to take turns.

How can thoughtful parents save money while also stopping sibling jealousy and encouraging children to share and build memories together? Such parents may want to invest in one big family gift instead of multiple, smaller gifts for each child.

The Benefits of Giving Children One Big Family Gift

A family gift is a single big-ticket item that is meant for everyone to use together. The best family gifts are ones that can be used by more than one person at a time. They should also be able to withstand heavy use and appeal to children of different ages for many years.

Sometimes parents give this sort of gift to an individual child. However, Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., suggests in Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring, and Compassionate [Henry Holt and Co., 1999] that it is best to give this kind of gift to all of the siblings together, instead of just one of them. That way one child is not under pressure to share this amazing gift with others. All children are expected to share it equally from the start. In The Baffled Parent's Guide to Sibling Rivalry [McGraw-Hill, 2003], Marian Edelman Borden agrees that giving kids one big gift for all siblings to share (accompanied perhaps by a few less expensive gifts for each child) can be a good way to reduce sibling jealousy.

Ideas for Family Gifts that Encourage Sibling Sharing and Build Strong Sibling Relationships

Goldenthal suggests siblings share gifts such as a train set, a board game, or a toboggan. Borden thinks large electronic items make good presents that can be shared by all. For example, siblings may enjoy sharing a computer or a video game player.

Those are good ideas, but shared sibling gifts can also be a great way for parents to stock a playroom systematically over the years, focusing each year on providing siblings with another large gift that encourages cooperative imaginative play and fosters fun interactions that build memories and strong sibling relationships. Ideas include:

If parents do want to give small individual presents in addition to the family gift, they can pick gifts for children that complement the family gift, such as play dishes and play food sets to accompany a play kitchen or a cash register or play scale to accompany a play store or play stand. Also, as children grow older, parents may want to invest in family gifts that encourage the family to participate in fun activities together, such as a family pass to a local zoo, aquarium, arboretum, science museum, art museum, or children's museum.

As children enjoy playing with a family gift together, they will grow closer while learning skills such as cooperation, taking turns, and developing imaginative scenarios with input from others. Sibling bonds will be strengthened and children will grow accustomed to sharing fun playtime together.

The copyright of the article Stop Sibling Jealousy with a Family Gift in Inter-Child Relationships is owned by Renee Carver. Permission to republish Stop Sibling Jealousy with a Family Gift in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.