Stop Sibling Rivalry with A Birthday for Frances
Use a Book to Lessen Sibling Jealousy About Birthdays
Jan 31, 2009
When children are dealing with problems such as sibling rivalry, reading about other children who experience similar feelings about similar situations can 1.) help children understand that their own feelings are normal and 2.) provide children with a positive model for how to resolve their problems.
For example, the classic children’s picture book A Birthday for Frances by Russell Hoban [Harper & Row, 1968] is a great choice to share with children in the weeks and days leading up to a brother's birthday or a sister’s birthday. Reading how Frances comes to accept that it is her younger sister’s turn to be the birthday girl and seeing how Frances and Gloria have conflicts but also a functional sibling relationship can help children foster stronger sibling relationships with their own brothers and sisters and accept that sometimes it is a sibling’s turn to celebrate a special day.
How A Birthday for Frances May Relate to the State of Real Life Sibling Relationships
The book begins with Frances feeling jealous that it is her sister’s turn to be the birthday girl. It seems to Frances as if her own birthday will never come again. Frances does not want to be left out when everyone else is giving Gloria gifts, however, so she gets an advance on her allowance and buys Gloria some candy, most of which she absentmindedly eats herself on the way home.
Children will enjoy hearing how Frances struggles for the rest of the book with the question of whether she should or will give the remaining candy bar to Gloria. They may see their own ambivalence about giving sibling birthday gifts mirrored in Frances’ dilemma. On the one hand, like Frances, many children will not want to feel left out when gift-giving starts, and many will genuinely want to give something nice to a brother or sister. On the other hand, many younger children also find it very difficult to see other children receive nice things when they are not getting anything, especially if they themselves are expected to give something nice away. They may also relate to how Frances thinks up a list of annoying things Gloria has done to try to make a case that her little sister does not deserve a present.
Discussion Questions to Use After Reading A Birthday for Frances
After reading the book, discuss questions such as the following:
- Why does Frances keep talking about Alice and how Alice will not have a birthday?
- How does Frances feel about Gloria and Gloria’s birthday at the beginning of the book?
- Why might Frances feel sad that everyone is giving Gloria a present but her?
- How does Frances get a present for Gloria and why might she have picked this present?
- Why is Frances not sure for a while if she will give Gloria the Chompo bar? What are her reasons for thinking Gloria might not deserve it? Do you think she should give her sister this present? Why or why not?
- What is Gloria’s birthday wish, and why do you think she wishes this?
- How do you think Frances feels about Gloria and Gloria’s birthday at the end of the book?
Once children have seen Frances deal with her negative feelings about her sibling's birthday, they can apply what they have learned to dealing with their own feelings and cases of sibling rivalry. Furthermore, parents who want to build strong sibling relationships between their children can use the book as a catalyst for encouraging children to buy or make special sibling birthday gifts and for inviting children to join in the planning and preparations for a special sibling birthday party.
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