Children need to understand that death, dying, grief, and loss is a part of life and that it isn’t a taboo subject. It is important that parents and/or caregivers talk to children about death. If not, children will more than likely develop unnecessary fears, worries, and misconceptions about death.
Being open and honest about death and loss can counteract any secondary problems which could arise if a child is left on his own to process what is happening to his family member, or what has already happened to a family member. These secondary problems can include the child fearing his own death or assuming that "death" is something that is waiting around the corner to snatch him, or other family members, away.
Talking about Death with Children
What is said to a child about death will depend on the child’s age. It should also be based on the family’s personal beliefs and feelings. It is best to educate children about death before they are forced to deal with the loss of a loved one.
Children are aware of death on some levels. For instance, they may see a dead bug or animal. They may hear about death on the television or read about death in a book. These are wonderful times to talk to children about death and what it is and what it means. However, many parents and caregivers don’t talk about death with their children until there is a family crisis.
When talking about death with children, keep in mind that children are wonderful observers. They pick up on a person’s body language and facial expressions. If they feel their questions about death are causing added pain or that their questions aren’t welcome, they may quit asking those questions.
Try not to send a child the message that death is a bad thing to talk about. This can cause confusion. Yet, children should be told up front that it is okay to cry and to be sad, even for adults. When children see that adults are able to be sad and express their emotions openly, they’ll feel they have permission to do so, too.
Children should not be given information they are not capable of processing and understanding. Also, any guidelines you read about dealing with death and children should be personalized and individualized for each child. Children have their own emotional maturity levels and parents/caregivers know best what their child will be able to process.
For more information see: Child Grief and School
